


The Millionaire's Club

by mccraeolson



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Adultery, Birthday Sex, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Epilepsy Mention, F/M, Heroin, Heroin Usage, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Marijuana, Needles, Non-Graphic Smut, Pining, Sex Work, Slightly Manipulative Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 10:43:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3324605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mccraeolson/pseuds/mccraeolson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke loves Ashton just as sure as the sun is in the sky, but he despises what Ashton has become.</p><p>Or, the one where Luke is a millionaire writer and Ashton is a homeless ex-author with a drug problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Time To Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> hi okay, so this is a little dark and probably confusing at first but i promise questions will be answered!!! also, some chapters are going to be taking place in the past and some at present times just for explanation purposes soo please be sure that you pay good attention to these dates/ages! thank you so much :-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's time to say goodbye, to the earth and now my worthless life. because everything i ever made is dead now and inside the grave.
> 
> time to say goodbye // twenty one pilots

**year 2013, at ages 18/18**

**(2 years before)**

 

"Luke, I swear, that was fucking _crazy_. You should have come in. Michael was like, having a rave or some shit, and oh man, it was insane," Ashton said as he climbed in the passenger seat, shoving a bag of something Luke didn't want to see into his pocket.

Luke sort of flinched as he turned the car on and Ashton patted his pocket. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to even be aware of the scenario.

"You know I don't like any of this, Ashton. I told you not to talk to me about it," Luke swiftly checked behind him and pulled out of the driveway and sped down the road, getting away from the house he hated as quickly as possible.

"Oh, Luke, come on, don't be such a pussy."

"Don't you dare even say that, Ashton. I'm not in the mood." Luke sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he glanced over at Ashton, who was counting the hundreds in his hand. He was shocked, really. Neither of them ever kept that much on them, and when they did, they were only carrying it because they were about to give it away. "Fuck, did you not pay?"

"I payed... Not with cash," Ashton mumbled, slipping the money back into his back pocket with the bag he just returned from the house with.

Luke slammed on the brakes and looked over at Ashton with wide eyes.

"Luke, calm down, it was just - "

"Get out."

"Luke - "

"Out. _Now_. **_Go_** ," Luke said, unlocking the car doors. "We're over. I'm so tired of your shit, Ashton. Come back to me when you get your life together. I'll drop your stuff off at Calum's. Don't come back."

And as soon as Ashton got out of the car, Luke sped off down the road, his vision blurry from the tears.

He _hated_ Ashton.

No, he _loved_ Ashton.

He hated what Ashton had _become_.

As soon as he got home, he slammed the door shut and fell onto his couch, grabbing his laptop. He didn't move for over 30 hours from this position, his laptop on his lap and his Word document open. And after 34 hours and 28 minutes of writing, Luke had 84 pages of against Ashton. For Ashton. To Ashton.

He slept for 4 days. His phone didn't wake him, the thousands of phone calls he got from Michael and Calum and his boss went straight to voicemail. The texts from them all dinged but were never read. Luke was slipping. Ashton had already slipped. Who was Luke without Ashton?

Eventually, Luke got up. He called Calum first.

"Luke, where the _fuck_ are you? Ashton came knocking on my door the other night, looking a hot mess. Why did you kick him out? I have him here with me, and he won't stop crying. He's sober, and it's so weird to - "

"Stop it. I don't want to talk about it. Tell him to leave. Tell him to fucking go to Michael's. He was happy there the other night."

"He said you were bringing his stuff here," Calum said in response.

Luke was happy Calum didn't question their break. He assumed Ashton explained everything. Whose side was Calum even on?

"Right. I'll be there later. I don't want to see him though. I mean it. I'll text you after I leave it at your door."

Luke hung up.

He went to their room they shared in their two story apartment. He didn't even know where to start with Ashton's stuff. His clothes, his laptops, his notebooks, his bathroom stuff. He went back downstairs and found some boxes in the kitchen from food and such and loaded as much as he could into the boxes. He kept some of the clothes, though, and just threw some he didn't like it. They always shared clothes anyway.

He made his way to Calum's and ran up to the doorstep. The door opened as soon as he got there and he immediately dropped the boxes and ran in the opposite direction.

"Luke, stop," he heard Calum's voice and turned around. "Ashton left. Michael picked him up. Will you please come in?"

Luke turned around warily and nodded. "Promise? I can't see him, Cal. You don't understand."

"I have a pretty good idea. Come in, please. I want to talk about it."

And so he did. He went in and he sat down with Calum and they talked. This was something Calum was good at. He was good at telling people what they needed to hear and not just what he wanted them to hear or what he wanted to say. He knew what was good for people. And maybe that's why Calum wanted to go into college studying psychology and become a therapist. Okay, so maybe that's definitely why Calum had those specific career plans. He was good at it.

Luke left feeling a little better about the situation, but he made sure Calum didn't tell Ashton anything Luke admitted. Luke was done with Ashton. He had put up with the same bullshit for a year now. Another night, another night, another night, **_another night_**. He was so alone but yet he had Ashton. He shouldn't have been alone.

_Money does a lot to a person._

Luke learned this the hard way through his boyfriend. Now ex.

That first week was rough for Luke. The week after the four days, anyway. They always say the first week after a break up is hard. But luckily, Luke was good at distracting himself. And not in the way he knew Ashton probably was, but in a healthy way. He had almost finished his novel against Ashton. Thought he had wrote it at first against the boy, using his name and specific examples, he had changed all of this. If he really wanted this published, he knew better than to single Ashton out like this. Luke knew this wasn't just any other fight (it was indeed a break up), he also knew though, that books don't make money through hate. They make money through relating a person to a feeling to a character to a plot. So, the book eventually developed into a fiction YA anti-romance novel. It was something different, but Luke enjoyed it himself.

And soon a month, two months, three months had passed and his novel was being edited for review for publication. It was the fastest he had ever wrote anything, and it was definitely the fastest he had got it into publication consideration.

Of course, it wasn't through sheer luck and talent.

More or less through his dad proofreading it and submitting it to the publishing company he owned.

So maybe Luke cheated a little through his dad in his efforts of getting his book published, but he was still proud. Because there it was, his first book. His first sell. A new chapter of his life without _Ashton fucking Irwin_.


	2. 100% Of Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the funny thing about it's that i'm better off without you. it'd be worse if nothing changed so now i'm glad that i matter on my own. really out here on my own and i just thought that you should know.
> 
> 100% of something // hoodie allen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, any tags that i haven't placed in that you feel needed, please let me know! thank you :)

**year 2015, at ages 20/21**

**(current day)**

 

 

Luke hummed to himself as he propped his feet up on his desk, pulling at the tie at his neck to loosen it a bit. He scrolled through Twitter on his phone, favoriting a few tweets from fans tweeting about the recently published book. It was his favorite thing to do, mostly all he did. He loved to interact with his fans, and it made him so happy to just recognize them. He enjoyed reading the fanfiction and alternate endings to his stories he wrote. It just made him realize how real everything was.

Since publishing his first major novel in 2012, Luke's popularity had massively increased. He published two young adult novels in 2013, and three mystery science fiction novels in 2014. All had reached massive fame, and it was unbelievable. In just the short amount of time, Luke was blooming. And he was just twenty years old. Some kid from Sydney, Australia.

His life was more than he could ask for.

"Luke?" He heard a small knock at his door and looked up from his desk, setting his phone on his desk and threw his feet down.

"Yeah?" he spoke, tightening his tie back. He wore ties everyday, but he still hated it.

"We need those, _uh_...y-your," she mumbled, trying to think of an excuse. He knew what she was doing.

" _Lindsey_ , stop, just lock the door behind you."

He stood up from his desk and pushed her against the door as soon as he heard the lock click. His mouth was all over hers and her hand was already working at his tie, loosening it and pulling it off and unbottoning his shirt so fucking slow. _Too fucking slow_ for what Luke needed at the moment. His lips attatched to her neck and they were both shirtless in minutes.

"Lindsey, it's two," Luke mumbled against her skin, his hand roaming all over her back.

"Can't we skip the meeting?"

"It's about the book, Linds. I wish, but I don't want things to be suspicious." He sighed and picked up her shirt from his office floor and pulled it over her head, kissing her nose before helping her tuck it into her skirt. "Your hair is a mess." She smoothed it down with her hands and gave him a smirk. He kissed it right off her lips.

He got dressed and she leaned against the door and watched.

"Love you, Luke," she smirked.

"Mhm, see you at the meeting," he smiled and waved back, leaning against his desk and watching her ass as she left his office. He waited a few minutes before leaving his office and heading to the meeting, making sure to sit right across from the girl he was secretly fucking. The girl who was also married. 

He nudged her with his foot and gave her a small smile when she looked up. She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the man leading the meeting.

"So, Luke, third novel in the Death Proof series. Are you excited?" He asked, giving Luke a grin as he shuffled through his papers at the front of the meeting table.

Luke nodded happily. "Of course. I've been brainstorming for it for weeks. It is all coming along so well."

"Happy to hear it," he smiled thoughtfully at Luke, and it almost broke his heart. Because Lindsey was his boss' wife, and his boss was a sweet man.

And Luke was an asshole.

 

When Luke left the office that night, he went straight to Calum's. He knew that Calum could help his problems. Calum was three years into his Psychology and Anthrophology double major. Calum was not only well versed in his school work and such, but he also knew Luke the best out of anyone. He knew Luke better than his own family did.

He knocked twice and when Calum didn't answer, he used the key under the mat and let himself in.

"Cal?" Luke said, his voice echoing through Calum's small apartment. Luke had constantly offered to buy Calum a nicer place, but Calum always insisted he liked his small apartment because it was close to campus and cheap enough for him to afford. Luke insisted back that he could afford to pocket some money to rent Calum a nicer apartment, even closer to campus, but Calum hated Luke spending his money on him.

" _Luke_?" Luke heard an odd voice call, and Luke hadn't heard that voice in years and it sent chills down his spine. He didn't want to believe it, but he grew up with that voice. He would recognize it anywhere. It was broken, it wasn't the same from years ago, but it was the voice that sent Luke to tears, to joy, to happiness, to laughter, to love, all in the span of 18 years. The voice that taught Luke how to love, how to accept, how to have hope. The voice that Luke didn't think he would ever hear again. The voice that Luke didn't think he ever wanted to hear again. "Luke...are you...?"

"Ashton, please don't touch me," Luke flinched as he felt a hand on his back quickly jerk away.

He wasn't ready to let this voice back into his life. This person.

This wreck of a person.

Luke didn't realize his eyes were still shut, but when he opened them he nearly turned and ran at the sight. He shut them again, wishing that he was hallucinating and that wasn't Ashton in front of him.

"Luke..."

"Hey, I made you some - "

Calum stopped dead in his tracks and Luke could hear the silence for 5 seconds, his heart beat the only thing audible.

"Do you want me to - "

"Why is he here, Calum?" Luke mumbled, his eyes still squeezed shut as he blindly stepped backward into the door, falling down in and letting his head fall in his lap. "I had the most shit day, Cal, and I just wanted to come talk about it...and...and you're here, with him, with Ashton ** _fucking_** Irwin, and you didn't even tell me he was back?"

Luke was furious, but he was scared.

He didn't want to see Ashton again.

"Luke, he came to me. He's not well."

" _I can fucking tell he's not well, Calum,_ " Luke snapped, his head suddenly looking up at the teary eyed boy looking down at him.

Ashton's face was pale. His arms were bruised, his neck had bruises, his hair was messy, his eyes were droopy, his mouth was frowning, and his eyes had bags. Heavy bags.

He was bad.

"I'm leaving," Luke mumbled, standing up to walk out the door but Calum quickly pulled him back and locked the door back.

"You're not running from your problems, Luke. You need to talk to him. He needs you, trust me. I can't help him like you can. He needs forgiveness," Calum whispered.

Luke look past him, where Ashton had now went to sit on Calum's couch, sipping tea.

"Forgiveness? What the fuck, Calum? Do you know - "

"Luke, are you really doing this right now? Are you really this selfish? Do you not see him? I don't care what he's done to you. He is a human being, and he needs you. You need to help him, Luke. And don't you try to pull Lindsey shit on me, because it's not going to work. You're going to help him, Luke."

Calum walked away and back into the kitchen, where Luke assumed Calum was making dinner for the two. He didn't know what to do about Ashton.

He awkwardly walked into the living room, adjusting his tie a little as he stayed standing, preferring not to sit on the couch with Ashton. "So, uh...what, um? What happened?"

Ashton looked up. Looked back down.

"What happened to you?" Luke asked a little louder this time, in case Ashton didn't hear him.

Ashton looked up. Looked back down.

Luke sighed in annoyance and stormed into the kitchen. "Calum, he won't even fucking talk to me!"

"Luke - "

"I asked him like twice what's wrong with him and he - "

"Luke - "

"He was totally ignoring me. That's so rude, you know? I was trying to - "

"Luke, he's homeless!" Caum yelled, slapping some sense into Luke with his words.

Luke let his mouth hang open a little and he blinked twice as he saw Ashton appear in the doorway, his cheeks burning red. He obviously heard Calum yell about him.

"Ashton, I - "

"It's okay, Calum, I probably should have told him or something," Ashton mumbled, his voice hoarse as he grabbed a plate and Calum put food on it.

Luke just watched. It was like this was routine for them. Had they done this before? How long had Ashton been here without Luke knowing about it? Were they hiding something from Luke?

Luke pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck you, Calum," he mumbled under his breath as he stormed out of the kitchen and out of Calum's tiny apartment, and back to his own huge, empty, lonely apartment.


	3. These Are The Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'cause the truth is, i'm about to lose it & don't think i can do this if i'm not with you.
> 
> these are the lies // the cab

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of this is probably unclear but i promise it will be explained i know i say that about every chapter but oooooook i promise questions will be answered!!!! thank you so much for reading also :-) it means a lot that people actually read what i write like WOW thank you guys

**year 2015, at ages 20/21**

**(current day)**

 

 

Luke didn't return any calls that night from Calum. Or Lindsey. 

He turned his phone off around 3 in the morning, and he threw it at the wall. It left a dent.

But he didn't care. He was halfway through his second bottle of vodka, and he didn't care. Apathy ran through Luke's veins as he blared some old  _The Cab_  album, screaming the lyrics. He randomly added in a few shouts of "Fuck you, Calum Hood" and "Fuck you even more, Ashton **_fucking_** Irwin".

He wasn't happy.

He hadn't been happy in a while, but at least he was better at lying to himself before. Now, he wasn't even attempting to hide the feelings.

 

 

He called work sick the next morning, and he read through his texts from Calum unwillingly. Most of them were him begging for a chance to give an explanation. But Luke couldn't help but wonder how Calum was going to explain why he had been keeping Ashton at his place. Because even though Luke and Ashton weren't a thing, Ashton was still Luke's. Not Calum's, but Luke's. Luke was supposed to be saving Ashton, as much as he told himself he hated him, he knew that he didn't. He couldn't.

He called Calum after an hour of chugging water bottles and Advil to (attempt to) soothe his hangover. Nothing helped.

"Hello?" A meak Calum answered after the first ring.

"Is Ashton there?" Luke grumbled, pulling his shoes on. He was wearing sweatpants and a old shirt that he was almost certain belonged to Ashton (he didn't care, most of his wardrobe was Ashton's anyway).

"He just left, but Luke, look, you still need to talk to me. I know you're -"

"I know. _God_ , chill out. I'm coming over."

Luke hung up and sighed, checking his appearance (it was horrid, but he didn't care) (he didn't really care about anything at this state). On the way to Calum's, he kept passing cars that reminded him of Ashton's. Ashton drove a simple, black car so of course every other car did that for him. But still. Then he remembered Calum saying he was homeless and Luke wondered if Ashton even had a car anymore.

 

 

Luke immediately claimed his spot on Calum's couch and pulled a blanket over his legs, leaning back against the reclined couch. 

"You know, you're gonna have to talk to me if you want me to help," Calum mumbled, standing in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at Luke. He was making them tea. Luke needed tea.

"I don't want to talk about my problems. I want you to tell me about Ashton. Why was he here?" Calum sighed at Luke's words and went back into the kitchen.

He returned a few minutes later, and Luke sipped his tea as soon as Calum placed it in his hands. It burned his lips and his tongue and his throat, but he didn't care. He liked the burn, honestly. 

"He showed up here a few weeks ago," Calum began, taking a seat on the other side of the couch. "I wanted to ask him to leave, but I just... I couldn't. He looked so fucked, Luke. It was bad. You saw him last night, and it was ten times worse than that. I don't even want to -"

"Stop, please," Luke mumbled, shaking his head. He placed his tea on the table and ran his hands over his face.

"Do you want to know why he was here or not?"

Luke nodded slowly. He wasn't sure.

“He showed up here two weeks ago, wrecked out of his mind. I could tell something bad happened. I mean, God, I hadn’t seen the kid in ages. He just showed up here and he hugged me tight and begged for me to let him stay the night. I didn’t question it. I just told him he had to leave the next morning. I didn’t want some fucking, like, mob king to show up at my door, you know?”

Calum took a breath and Luke smiled a little. “I don’t think mob kings are quite going to be chasing after Ashton, but okay,” Luke bit on his lip and let his smile fall at the look Calum gave him.

“Anyway,” Calum sighed, looking down, “I made him dinner and let him sleep on the couch and take a shower. Honestly, he didn’t look or smell like he’d taken one in weeks. And his clothes were ragged. I felt so bad for him. Even thought I shouldn’t after all he did to you, but still… I just couldn’t help it, Luke. I’m sorry. I know you may–“

“Calum, stop, it’s okay. I understand. I don’t blame you for anything,” Luke mumbled under his breath. He placed a hand over Calum’s shaking one and he could see tears forming in Calum’s eyes. It was so weird to see Calum like this. He was always the one comforting other—never the one crying to somebody else.

“Okay…okay, okay,” Calum mumbled under his breath. He sighed a little and looked down. “Anyway, I left to go to bed, and I got up around 3 or so in the morning to check on Ashton, and he was just…gone.” Calum looked down and pulled his hand from under Luke’s and went to playing with his shirt. He didn’t once glance at Luke in the eye. “He left a note, thanking me. It said something about how he’d repay me later, but he didn’t have his wallet on him. I believed it at the time, but now I look back on it, I know he was lying.” Calum shook his head, not in anger, but just in sadness. He felt so bad for Ashton.

“So, he showed up three days later, and he did the same thing. But that night I didn’t go to bed. I stayed up with him. I wanted to know what happened. I didn’t ask him, but he got the hints.” Calum looked up to Luke, and Luke looked down. Luke didn’t want Calum to see the tears in his eyes.

Because Luke shouldn’t cry over Ashton.

Ashton didn’t even deserve Luke’s tears.

Ashton was an _asshole._

_But Luke loved him regardless._

Calum sighed, placing a hand on Luke’s knee, “Are you okay?” Luke nodded, still looking down.

“Can you just tell me why he was here?” Luke looked up, and he knew it was bad. He knew Ashton’s wasn’t there for good reasons, and he wasn’t there just because he missed Calum. He could see in Calum’s eyes that it was something deeper. It was something that Luke wouldn’t forget – and probably didn’t want to know. But he needed know.

“He uh, told me that he was…dating this guy. He didn’t tell me a name, but um…Luke, I think it’s Michael. The way he described the guy and said about how they used to deal together, it’s just…” Calum took a deep breath. As much as Luke said he was over Ashton, Calum knew he still loved him. And he knew he was going to take this bad.

And on the inside, Luke was taking it the worst a person could. Like, sure, Luke wasn’t the good guy in the situation. He was fucking his publisher’s wife, but still. Michael? He was astonished.

“I’m okay,” Luke said, looking down. His voice cracked. He wasn’t okay. But Calum shook it off. He knew Luke was as stubborn as they come.

“He said that him and… the guy… broke things off. He said he was kicked out, and he didn’t give me time frame, but I think he's been living on the streets for about a month now. He’s been talking about it lately, and he’s like, he’s making friends with the people.”

“Probably fucking them for money,” Luke mumbled under his breath. He didn't even know why he said it, he just felt so hurt over Ashton. It hurt. _It hurt hurt hurt hurt **hurt**_.

“Luke…” Calum sighed, leaning back on the couch.

“Why did he come to you? Why didn’t he come to me? I mean, no offense or anything, but he doesn’t even _like_ you that much,” Luke spat out. Jealously was bubbling through him—the mere fact that Ashton had been around Calum for a month just settled in on him.

“You know you would have shut him out…” Calum said, raising his eyebrows at Luke.

“Okay, whatever. But I think I want to talk to him, so just let me know whenever he comes over next time,” Luke said, standing up from the couch and rubbing his eyes. He _totally_ hadn’t been crying.

And he _totally_ wasn’t going to go home and eat an entire bucket of ice cream and cry himself to sleep.

 _Totally_ not.


	4. Weightless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year and i've been going crazy. i'm stuck in here.
> 
> weightless // all time low

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has fluff and is super cute (at the beginning at least???) (and it ends happy????) so yeah sorry about all the angst and how this fic is basically entirely angst but yeah here's some fluff for a lil bit (even though this has angst too) (SORRRRY)

**year 2012, at ages 16/17**

**(3 years before)**

 

 

"I still can't believe you got these tickets," Luke gushed, swinging his and Ashton's arms back and forth. He was smiling so wide, and he couldn't wipe it off his face. He was finally seeing All Time Low live, and with the person he loved.

"I know. I'm just excited to see your face when they come on stage," Ashton said, giving Luke's hand a squeeze.

"We're gonna be so close, too," Luke chewed on his lip, holding back the grin on his face. They had been waiting in this line for 14 hours, almost 15. They were the 9th in line, and of course, they would be right up front. General Admission shows were scary, but they were so worth it when you're dedicated.

"Thank you again, you rock," Luke turned to Ashton, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. Ashton, as usual (he did this every time Luke kissed his cheek), turned his face quick and stole a kiss on the lips. He just smirked and squeezed Luke's hand again. "Cheeky bastard," Luke mumbled, shaking his head and leaning it on Ashton's shoulder.

"What time is it?" Ashton asked, looking up toward the doors, which were being unlocked.

"7:00," Luke said, pulling out his phone and unlocking it (Ashton's had died hours ago). "Show time."

And the show _was_ amazing. Luke sang along to the whole set, and he only let go of Ashton's hand once when Jack was running around the stage touching people's hands. He had the time of his life, honestly. And even though Ashton wasn't the biggest All Time Low fan, he had the time of his life just watching Luke.

He didn't really think it was possible for Luke to look any more beautiful, but he definitely did all sweaty and happy and singing along to his favorite music. Yeah, Ashton was _so_ in love.

"That was amazing. It feels so unreal, like... I've spent so many years in my bedroom dreaming of seeing them, and I finally did. And I just don't even know how to thank you for this," Luke said, locking his seatbelt across his body and leaning over to look at Ashton.

"You don't have to thank me," Ashton laughed, "I love you, and you deserve this. When you love something, you don't do things for them to just get something in return. Seeing you out there having the time of your life was just enough for me. But _you know_ , a blowjob does sound pretty good as a thank you."

"I knew you would ask for a blowjob." Luke laughed, shaking his head at Ashton. "And I love you too, you big sap."

Ashton just smiled at Luke.

Luke fell asleep on the drive back to Ashton's house. It was daylight outside when they finally got home, and Luke was awake. He didn't let Ashton know he was awake because Luke really enjoyed watching Ashton drive. As creepy as it sounds, he loved to just watch Ashton do anything. He was so in love with the boy he could watch him cut grass with scissors for the rest of his life and be satisfied.

"How long have you been awake?" Ashton laughed a little, as they pulled up into his driveway, and he looked over at Luke.

"About an hour. When the sun started rising. You just looked too adorable while you were driving. Didn't wanna disturb," Luke mumbled, stretching his arms a little bit.

"Well, _Lukey_ , you look cute when you sleep. And I watched you a little when we stopped at the gas station. So I guess we're even," Ashton spoke softly, leaning over the console and pressing a quick kiss to Luke's lips.

"Can you carry me in? I'm too tired to use my legs," Luke mumbled, grinning up at Ashton.

Ashton rolled his eyes and mumbled fatass under his breath, but of course he carried Luke in (bridal style and all) to his house, because he was so whipped for the boy. Hell, he even layed him down in the bed and tucked him in.

"Do you want to go over to Michael's tonight?" Ashton hummed, as he climbed into the bed beside Luke. His parents had rules about Luke sleeping over, and the main one they stressed is that they don't sleep in the same bed, but Ashton never really followed them. Plus, his parents had both already left for work. So what they don't know won't hurt them, right?

"Sure," Luke smiled, snuggling into Ashton's chest. Ashton's arm was thrown over Luke and their legs were tangled. They always slept like this, but it never failed to send butterflies to Luke's stomach. He loved being close to Ashton. "What're we going over to his for?"

"He said he wanted us to come over. Not really what sure what it's all about, but I think his parents are gonna be out tonight." Ashton pressed kisses to Luke's neck in between his words. He had a habit of doing this whenever the cuddled, but Luke never complained.

"Ah," Luke simply said. He didn't question further, but instead he relaxed in Ashton's arms and fell asleep after mumbled a barely audible _I love you_ to his boyfriend.

 

 

They both woke up around 6 in the afternoon. Ashton was the first one up (he always was), and he stayed awake for a few minutes pressing kisses to Luke's skin as he slept. Eventually, he woke Luke up with a kiss on the lips and it turned into a sloppy, tired make out session.

They got ready quickly (after showering together) (to save water, obviously) (they really cared about the Earth) and headed to Michael's around 7. When they got there, there was unfamiliar car in the driveway. They didn't question it, but Luke was a little worried. He had been to Michael's many times before when his parents were gone out, but this time was just different. At least, it felt different.

When they got to the door, Michael answered with a girl following behind him. He introduced her as Miranda. Upon walking in the den, Luke recognized the strong smell in the room.

"Ashton," he whispered, tugging on his sleeve, "Is that... _you know_?"

"Relax, Luke," Ashton shook it off, nudging him a little. He pulled Luke aside, out of the den and into the kitchen. "It's okay, yeah? Just one time. Michael said Miranda brought it, and she said it's like, really good quality."

"Ashton, no...wait, you knew about this? Why didn't you tell me this?" Luke was hurt. Ashton knew how Luke felt about drugs and smoking. He didn't like it. He hated it, and he wanted to go home. He wanted to cry and punch something and vomit. And then do it all over again in that order.

"Luke, baby," Ashton pleaded, "Just one time?"

"Have you done this before?" Luke asked, astonished at the boy in front of him.

Ashton just looked down.

"God, I can't believe-"

"No, listen, hear me out," Ashton tugged on his sleeve once again, grabbing his hands and intertwining their fingers. "It was Michael's idea, I promise. And it's just weed, yeah, Luke? Nothing bad at all, I promise. If you try and you don't like it, we can go home."

Luke relaxed a little, leaning back against the counter. And maybe he just agreed because he felt like he owed Ashton after the concert. Ashton had done something he didn't like for Luke, and now it was Luke's turn to do something he didn't like for Ashton. That's how relationships work, _right?_

They went back into the living room, and Miranda and Michael were sitting around something Luke didn't like the sight of. Just the smell in the room made him crinkle his nose and want to cough. But he acted like it didn't bother him.

He owed Ashton one.

Luke never actually took a hit of what the other three were passing around, he just watched Ashton. He wanted to vomit every time Ashton even touched the blunt, and when Ashton _actually took the disgusting thing to his lips_ , it took all Luke had to not cringe and run away. He hated it.

They didn't leave until midnight, and Luke was more than happy when Ashton announced that they were gonna head out. He practically bolted out the door and to Ashton's car. Ashton went toward the driver's side, but Luke quickly argued. "No, no, no, you can't drive," Luke sighed, walking Ashton around to the passenger side. And even though Ashton protested, saying about how he drove better high, Luke quickly argued. But he wondered to himself, _how many times had Ashton been high to know that he drove better this way?_

He drove Ashton home and took him inside, and even though he begged Luke to stay, he was far too annoyed to do so and left after making sure Ashton was in bed safe.

And Ashton showed up to his house the next morning with flowers and a breakfast biscuit, rambling about how sorry he was. He kept saying that he didn't mean to make Luke uncomfortable, and he promised Luke 27 times that he wouldn't ever smoke again.


	5. America's Suitehearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let's hear it for america's sweethearts, but i must confess, i'm in love with my own sins.
> 
> america's suitehearts // fall out boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a lot of luke/lindsey sorry about it. slight smut also??? so yeah.

**year 2014 at ages 19/19**

**(1 year before)**

 

 

Luke was hardly what you could call new to the office. But that day, he felt new. The group has recently moved buildings and teams. Since Luke's popularity, he had quit publishing with his father and began publishing with a new company. He also switched publicity companies and group teams. So, while Luke was not new to the career, he was new to this place. _These people._

They all knew his name of course; he didn't introduce himself to anyone that first week (which was a douche move, but yeah, he's Luke Hemmings— he doesn't give a shit). People seemed to like him, but everyone always seemed to like him. It was just a thing that came with fame and riches. People like you, even if they don't like you. They use you. It's hard and it's different, but Luke got used to it. He also got really good at deciding who wasn't actually using him.

It was also that first week in the office when he met Lindsey Duncan. She was beautiful, funny, witty. He knew these three attributes within his first 10 minutes of meeting her.

And within these first 10 minutes, he was asking her if she wanted to come back to his lake house (which he hadn't actually been to in 3 months) (did it even have food in the fridge?) (probably not). She said she would, right after she got home. She asked him to come pick her up. He was whipped.

It was around 6 when they arrived at his lake house (which he stocked the fridge of before he picked her up), and she was thoroughly impressed with it.

"Do you live here by yourself?" She asked, looking around and running her small (really soft) hands across the counter and looking up at Luke.

"I don't live here, no. I just bring beautiful girls here and serenade them with my million dollar lake house," he smiled, chewing on his lip piercing and pouring a glass of wine for himself and Lindsey.

"Ha ha. Very funny, Luke. Really, though? What's a 19 year old kid like you doing with a house like this? Is it your dads?"

"Not a kid, Lindsey. And no, it's all mine," he said, leaning back against the wall.

"Not a kid..." she repeated, taking a few steps closer to him. "Prove it."

Yeah, he knew what she was doing. Yeah, he _loved_ what she was doing.

And maybe it was the first time he had sex since Ashton Irwin, but it was great. It wasn't Ashton Irwin great (nothing was, really), but it was enough. It was sufficient for Luke; sufficient enough to be the start to a new part of his life. 

Lindsey got up to leave right after, and Luke noticed the ring on her finger as she stood from the bed and pulled her skirt back on.

"Whoa," Luke mumbled, sitting up quickly in the bed and pulling his boxers on as he stood. "You're uh, you're married?"

She looked at him like he was a kid again.

"Luke—"

"Lindsey, don't fucking talk to me like I'm a kid."

She breathed slowly and sat back down in the bed, half dressed; she cuddled up to him and pressed a kiss to his lips.

They didn't mention it again after that, but Luke understood, kinda, that it was okay. She wanted this, and he needed this. It was okay.

So maybe Luke used Lindsey to fill the empty whole in his heart and to fill his sexual desires, that were severely lacking. But Lindsey used Luke as a sense of security and confidence. They used each other in the best (or worst) ways, and Luke wasn't necessarily happy, but he wasn't the same empty Luke that he had been before.

Lindsey left after 30 minutes of making out, and Luke stayed at the lake house that night. The big, empty lake house. And even though he _was_ completely alone, he felt the farthest from alone that he had since Ashton Irwin.

 

 

The next day at the office, Luke ran into Lindsey (literally, he spilled his coffee all over himself and her), and she led him back to his tiny office and they made out for 10 minutes.

"You left this on me," she said, slightly out of breath after they made out.

He glanced down to where she pulled up the material of her shirt, revealing a deep purple mark on her hips.

"Oops," he giggled a little, leaning back into the press a kiss to her lips.

"No, Luke," she pushed him away slightly but her voice was still calm. "Look, if...my husband finds out, this could be bad. For your career, you know?" She sighed but leaned in to kiss him again.

"I'll be more careful?" he suggested.

She nodded, and they made out until they both had a meeting to go to.

It continued like this for three more months. They fucked, made out, didn't say much about it and Luke made sure he didn't leave any mark of himself. They were careful, and it was fun. It made her feel young and him feel grown up. It made them both feel wanted, something they craved. They needed each other.

Then she brought _it_ up.

They were at Luke's lake house, laying in the master bedroom's master bed on the master satin sheets. He was stroking her hair and she was tracing lines on his chest.

"I think I'm going to get a divorce," she mumbled, pressing a small kiss to Luke's chest before looking up at him.

He stopped stroking her hair and sat up, eyebrows knitting together. "Lindsey, no...you love—"

"You, Luke. I love you. I love you so much, and I can't be with him," she said, shaking her head as she sat up in the bed, hands pressed to his chest. "I want to be with you. I want people to know that we're... _us_."

"Lindsey..." He sighed, running a hand through his hair and grabbing her hands from his chest and intertwining her fingers. "I like you a lot, okay? You're great in bed, and you're a nice girl. But...we can't...we aren't a thing. We can't be a thing. You're married to my boss. My publisher."

"Luke, we can make it work."

He shook his head.

"I think you should leave."

And she did leave.

Luke fell back on the bed, sighing. 

He went to his most recent texts (his _only_ texts, aside from Lindsey and a few random ones from bill collectors) and opened Calum's contact. Calum didn't answer, and Luke groaned, rolling over in the bed and burying his head under the pillows

Calum called Luke back within in ten minutes, and Luke was grateful. He thought he was going to have a fucking breakdown if he didn't rant to someone soon. "Calum. I'm fucked. Lindsey said she loves me, and she said she's gonna get a divorce. I don't fucking know what to do. I'm 19. I can't date Lindsey. I'll get fired and lose my job and the publicity will be so madly insane over this, and I'm so scared Calum. Please help," Luke answered, not even greeting him.

"Luke, calm down. Breathe, okay?" Calum waiting a few seconds and let Luke take a few deep breaths in and out. It didn't help.

"Okay," Luke mumbled, turning the phone on speaker and laying down into the bed and pulling the sheets up over his head, his eyes falling shut.

"Relax. Start from the beginning. Why did Lindsey say she's getting a divorce?"

Luke couldn't relax, but Calum kind of helped. "Because she says she loves me. She - um - she like, doesn't feel anything with him, I guess? But with me it's different. God, I don't fucking know."

"Honestly, Luke...I know you don't want to hear what I'm about to say but I think you should cut things off with her. It just seems like this is such an empty thing for you, and I just, I don't know. It's bad for her, and it's bad for you. I know you think you love her, but it's just sex, right, Luke?"

"I don't fucking love her, Calum, you know that," Luke sighed, his hands fisting at the sheets to try to relieve a little stress.

"I know, I know. Maybe you should sleep on it? You seem stressed."

"Okay, whatever. Look, I'll talk to you tomorrow I guess. I'll let you know how things go with Lindsey."

"Alright. Take care, bud," Calum sighed into the phone and Lung hung up, tossing his phone somewhere in the room and ignoring the texts and calls for the rest of the night.

 

 

And the next day at the office was just the same. He met up with Lindsey after morning meeting and made out with her and she blew him, and that was it. The subject of divorce was over.

Everything was normal. As normal as things _could_ be.


	6. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wanna love like you made me feel when we were 18.
> 
> eighteen // one direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is probably a little foggy. i'll explain more at the end about why luke is so how he is and such :)
> 
> fyi pls do not comment on the heroin details. i don't do heroin and i have never done heroin but instead i like to educate myself through shameless episodes, so i apologize if i'm not accurate with the descriptions. don't judge me i'm just a 16 yr old white girl thank u

**year 2013, at ages 18/18**

**(2 years before)**

 

 

"Happy Birthday, baby," Ashton shouted from the other room as soon as he heard the shower click off. "How do you feel about a date night? For your birthday and all?" Ashton asked, poking his head around the corner to peek into the bathroom. 

Luke wrapped a towel loose around his waist. "Sounds perfect. Where are we going?" 

"Up to you. I'll pay, so pick anywhere your heart desires," Ashton gushed, pressing a kiss to Luke's nose and heading back to their shared bedroom. Luke felt his stomach flip as Ashton left and chewed down hard on his lip. No matter how long he had been dating Ashton, he still got these feelings when the boy left him like this.

"Do I need to dress nice?" Luke hummed, sifting through the closet for an appropriate outfit.

"Well, you're picking the place..." Ashton said, trailing off. "But I mean, I would prefer you in a button up. Just so I can tease you with it later." Luke groaned, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend. He could be the biggest tease sometimes, honestly.

In the end, Luke settled on a simple, light green button up with a pair of pressed, black pants. His shirt was tucked in and ironed perfectly. 

"You look beautiful," Ashton mumbled, wrapping his arms around Luke from behind as Luke buttoned his shirt up in the mirror. "Let me help." And even though Luke didn't need help buttoning his shirt, he nodded quickly and let Ashton take over, who slowly buttoned the shirt up as he pressed kisses to Luke's neck.

"Such a fucking tease," Luke laughed, turning around as soon as his shirt was buttoned and stealing a kiss from his boyfriend's lips. 

Ashton just nodded slowly and mumbled something about _just wait until later_ , grabbing Luke's hand and leading him out the car. He opened the car door for his boyfriend and went around the other side, asking Luke about where he wanted to eat.

They eventually mutually decided on a Greek Taverna restaurant, since Luke thought it was unfair he had to think of a place all on his own so he insisted on options. He didn't really agree with any of Ashton's options, so Ashton just drove them to a place he knew Luke loved. 

They ate well, and Luke was about to stand up to leave when the large group of staff workers exited the back of the restaurant with a ginormous gong drum and a sparkling cake. Complete with a bottle of fancy (but cheap) wine. "God, you're _so_ dead to me," Luke rolled his eyes, blushing as the large group of staff sang some cheesy song about being 18.

When he blew out his sparkler, he definitely wished for solidity with Ashton. And _amazing_ birthday sex. 

Ashton drove the two home after, Luke insisting that the meal was too expensive for Ashton to do anything else for the boy. It wasn't like they were hurting for the money, Luke just hated Ashton spending his money on him.

"Your dad got us some wine," Ashton reminded the birthday boy once they got home, pressing a kiss up to Luke's mouth before heading into the kitchen to pop open the bottle.

"Where did he even get this?" Luke laughed, picking up the wine bottle and laughing at the home-made label. It was fancy, yes, but obviously home made. And the words were also scribbled in what looked to be Italian.

"He said he shipped it in for you. I guess he figured it would be a good 18th birthday thing," Ashton shrugged, sipping at his own glass. "He wouldn't tell me how much it costed, but I looked it up, and this shit is definitely in the thousands, or nine hundreds at least. Nice, home made shit from this exotic vinery."

"Well. I'm glad that my dad can buy me thousand dollar wine but not wish me happy birthday," Luke shrugged, downing the rest of his small glass and setting it back on the counter.

Ashton just shook it off and pressed a long, passionate kiss to Luke's lips. He instructed Luke to jump, breaking their kiss for only a moment as he wrapped his arms under Luke's thighs and Luke's legs wrapped around his waist. He walked them back to the bedroom, his lips nibbling at the sensitive skin around Luke's ear. Luke was a moaning mess by the time they reached their master bedroom. The younger boy's legs moved up and down around Ashton's thighs, searching for some sort of friction.

"What's in your pocket, baby?" Luke mumbled against Ashton's skin, and Ashton patted at his pocket, sighing slightly. 

"Nothing," Ashton breathed, pushing Luke down onto the bed and patting his pockets down again, this time cautiously.

"Ashton, what is it? It poked me," Luke sat up, worried now. It was sharp, whatever it was, and he was a little concerned.

"Just a pocket tool. Goes with my wallet," Ashton shrugged, kicking off his jeans. 

Luke didn't really believe him since Ashton wasn't the best liar, but he could tell that Ashton didn't want to talk about it. Whatever it was. And Luke really wanted his birthday sex, so he accepted Ashton's kisses and their night went on just fine.

The sex was definitely _amazing._

When Luke woke up the next morning, he immediately searched the bed for Ashton to greet but found nobody. Instead, the strong smell of breakfast cooking and The Cab playing loudly greeted him. He stretched out his arms and got up from the bed, his eyes falling to Ashton's discarded jeans from the night before.

Sure, Luke knew it was wrong to snoop around like this. But he just wanted to make sure. And there's nothing wrong with that, right? _Right_. Of _course_.

He chewed on his lip and listened for the sounds from the kitchen, being as careful as he could to not make any noise as he picked up the jeans. He dug through the pocket and found nothing, then checked the other and found exactly what he was looking for.

" _Hypo_...hypodermic needle?" Luke read the package with the small needle sticking through it and furrowed together his eyebrows. Why did Ashton have this? He picked out whatever else was in the pocket and found a small white non-see through bag and a long tan rubber band that looked as if it had been way too used from the knots tied around in it. 

Luke finally realized what he was looking at after moments of staring at the objects and dropped them onto the ground, falling back to sit in the floor beside the bed. 

"Fucking _asshole_ ," Luke mumbled, standing up from the floor and storming into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and resting against the closed door.

"Luke, are you awake, _honeycakes_?" Ashton called from the kitchen. Luke mumbled a _yeah_ and stood up from the floor, opening each drawer of the bathroom counter until he found Ashton's medication.

"That lying prick," Luke mumbled under his breath as he counted the monthly dosage of anti-seizure medication and found that the pills hadn't even been taken. And Luke had weeks.

"Breakfast is ready," Ashton shouted, and Luke slammed his fist down on the counter, cursing himself for being so dumb.

How did he not notice when Ashton was always _so_ mopey? Yet Luke had never seen him even take his Epilepsy medicine? Did he even _have_ Epilepsy? How did he not notice that all the times Ashton had claimed that he liked to stay in the bathroom after he showered to take notes about writing? How did Luke not notice **_at all_**?

Luke rubbed at his wet eyes and made himself look presentable. He didn't have a clue as to how to confront Ashton about this, but he knew he needed to. 

He grabbed the items he found in Luke's pockets and stormed into the kitchen. If he was going to do this, he might as well do it while he was this worked up. Better now than never, right?

"You _fucking lying **asshole**_ ," Luke nearly shouted, slamming the heroin-traced items down onto their clean kitchen counter. Luke almost broke down into sobs at the look on Ashton's face, but he had to do this. He had to keep this mantra. He was strong. So strong.

"Luke, I — I, look. I'm s-so sor —" 

"Don't fucking Luke I'm Sorry bullshit me, Ashton," Luke screamed. He was crying now. He shoved Ashton back against the kitchen counter roughly. "You fucking lied to me! Do you know how _used_ I feel right now? **_Huh?_ ** Do you know how bad it hurts to know that the fucking guy you love has been lying to you _everyday_ so he can shoot up fucking heroin and _kill himself_?" Luke's words spat out like venom, and if he could sting, he would be shooting all at Ashton right now.

Ashton stared at Luke blankly, his eyes watering as he slumped against the counter.

"You should leave. Go home, please," Luke sighed, letting his eyes fall shut. 

"Luke, I love you. If you let me explain —" Ashton began, but he stopped himself at the look on Luke's face.

"I'll call you later, Ashton. Leave. _Now_. **_Please_**."

Luke turned around on his heel and grabbed the heroin from the kitchen counter and tossed all three items into the trash, not even glancing back at Ashton before he slammed his bedroom door shut and broke down completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i know this was foggy because it's hard to explain in pov and such? so basically ashton has epilepsy and anti seizure meds which luke picks up prescriptions for so he knows the monthly dosage etc and anti seizure meds make you pre loopy and have similar affects that heroin would have, and basically luke found his anti seizure meds and found that ashton is lying about taking those & instead using heroin, which is what luke found in his pockets if you haven't figured that out. and then the bathroom thing is when ashton says he is writing novel ideas in the bathroom & he's actually in there getting high and such? so basically luke is figuring out ashton's little excuses for everything and ashton's lying and you will understand pre soon why things went to shit and why luke dumped ashtons ass. okay thank you for reading!!! if you have any questions please leave them!


	7. Ain't Gotta Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here we come, on our way. we don't got no job today, we don't want one any way. 
> 
> ain't gotta work // hoodie allen

**year 2015, at ages 20/21**

**(current day)**

 

Luke woke up late for work. He usually was up early and had time to watch the news and take the scenic route on his way to work, but this morning he barely made it to his office in time for the meeting. His hair was flat and his pants were pressed badly. He looked like the walk of shame, without the sex part, obviously.

"You look like _shit_ ," Lindsey mumbled, nudging him on the way to the meeting. He rolled his eyes at her. "I have some papers to discuss with you after this meeting, by the way." She looked around before sending him a quick wink. And Luke smirked because he knew they had no papers to discuss.

And he definitely needed something to get his mind off of Ashton.

 

 

She knocked twice before letting herself in and leaning back against the door.

"Hello, beautiful," Luke smirked, standing up from his chair and gripping her hips, pulling her back against his desk. Their lips were moving in sync against each other. They fit so perfectly, but they didn't even compare to the spark Luke felt when he kissed -

_**No.** _

He pushed the thoughts of Ashton from his mind, focusing on his hands trailing up Lindsey's blouse and his lips working on her neck, biting small marks in her neck but making sure not to leave any noticeable ones. He hummed against her skin and reconnected her lips as he hooked his fingers in the elastic part of her skirt, teasing the skin.

They were so enveloped in each other's touch that they didn't even _notice_ the door open.

"Lindsey?" A voice spoke, and she quickly jumped back, fear in her eyes as she turned to face the door.

"Fuck, _no, **wait** ,_" Luke mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "I can... _no_ , shit. This probably looks bad, but I -"

"You're done, Hemmings. Forget the books."

Lindsey ran after her husband, who had walked away from the door after serving those words out to Luke.

**_You're done._ **

**_Forget the books._ **

And Luke finally felt like he learned a lesson as he packed his stuff up into boxes and drove himself home: _always_ lock doors, if you plan on cheating with your publisher's wife.

 

 

Luke called Calum after a couple of hours of sitting on his couch and doing absolutely nothing. Calum told him he could come over, obviously, and Luke was happy to hear that there was no Ashton around. He really just needed to vent about Lindsey.

So he went to Calum's and explained everything. Calum bit his tongue to hold back an  _I told you so_ , and didn't say much at all (which Luke was okay with). He mostly just rubbed circles on the blonde's back and handed him tissues for his tears. Calum eventually ordered some pizza and Luke picked out a movie for them to watch. He planned on just staying the night at Calum's. Now that he had no work to go to, he wasn't worried about getting up in the morning. Or the day at all.

The doorbell rang after they started the movie and Calum got up to get it. "That was quick," Luke mumbled, shrugging his shoulders and glancing at the time. It really only took the pizza guy 30 minutes to make it and get to the house?

Luke was confused after 5 minutes of Calum being gone and paused the movie and got up to check on him. He had read too many stories in the news of pizza guys kidnapping people when they answer the door to get their pizza.

But what he saw standing at the door was worse that Calum being kidnapped (so maybe that's an exaggeration) (but it was still bad).

" _Ashton_ ," Luke sighed out, mostly speaking to himself. Ashton looked up, and all Luke saw in his once bright and beautiful hazel eyes was sadness. He didn't like sadness on Ashton - he loved to see him giddy and his eyes shiny and beautiful, lighting up at Luke's very word. He _missed_ Ashton.

But Ashton looked down after Luke caught a glimpse of his eyes.

"I guess I'm going to go, then," Ashton mumbled, looking up to Calum, saying something else Luke didn't catch.

And something inside of Luke told him it wasn't right to let Ashton go. Something inside of him also said  _fuck him, you don't need him. Remember what he's done to you?_  And of course, Luke listened to the former.

"No, wait, hey, we ordered some pizza and it should be here soon," Luke rambled, his words slightly broken and shaky. He was never like this, but something about Ashton just made him so rigid. "Do you...uh, do you want to stay and...watch a movie? We're um, we're watching Harry Potter. I know you like Harry Potter, and then the pizza's pepperoni, but you can pick them off since you don't like them. Do you want to stay?" And Luke mentally wanted to punch himself dead. He wasn't supposed to be _puddy_ around Ashton fucking Irwin.

He was supposed to _hate_ Ashton fucking Irwin. But Luke was done lying to himself. No matter how much he built up his walls and told himself he didn't need Ashton, he knew that he did need him.

Calum sighed and shut the door behind Ashton, pulling him inside. And Luke smiled a little, because Ashton was going to stay and watch a movie and eat pizza.

Just like the old days.

But it was _nothing_ like the old days. It was so much different. So much worse.

Calum and Ashton went back to Calum's bedroom, and Luke felt a pang of jealously hit him. He wanted to follow them, but he decided against it. Instead he stayed in the living room and picked at his fingernails.

"Hey, Luke," Ashton spoke softly, entering the living room and taking a seat in the chair beside the couch that Luke was sat on.

"Nice shirt," Luke mumbled, smirking slightly at Ashton's All Time Low shirt. "You like them now?"

"It's actually, _um_ , not mine," Ashton coughed and looked down, picking at the fabric on his body. "It's...a uh, f-friends." But Luke knew that tone of voice anywhere. Luke could pick out that Ashton was lying quicker than he could pick a red apple from a basket of bananas. He knew Ashton so well, and it almost _hurt_ that he could still recognize Ashton's lying tone.

Luke mouthed a  _oh_ , and he looked down into his lap. He was such an asshole. The world's biggest. Honestly, he should just buy himself a plaque - Luke Hemmings: The World's #1 Asshole.

The doorbell rang and Calum went to get it and returned with two pizzas (both pepperoni). "Pizza's here," Calum announced, as if they didn't already know.

Luke let Ashton get his first, and watched him as he picked each pepperoni off his pizza one by one. "Do you want them?" Ashton offered. And Luke smiled and nodded a little too quickly, holding his plate out. This small act reminded Luke of the countless times Ashton ordered pepperoni pizza, just to pick off the pepperonis and give them to Luke. Because Ashton hated pepperoni, but he loved pepperoni pizza. He claimed it tasted different, but Luke swears it's just because he liked to give Luke the pepperonis.

"So, Harry Potter?" Ashton asked, taking a seat on the couch (this time, he sat beside Luke).

"Yup. Prisoner of Azkaban," Luke said, a mouthful of pizza.

"My favorite," Ashton spoke, and Luke swears he saw a smile on his face (a small smile) (but a smile nonetheless).

"I know," Luke mumbled under his breath, so quiet that Ashton barely picked up what he said. 


	8. Kids In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> looking back, i see a setting sun and watch my shadow fade into the floor. 
> 
> kids in the dark. // all time low

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so i think we're done with the whole flashback thing now because i feel like you have enough insight on the past relationship. if i do another flashback, i will let you know in a note and give the date, but from now on, you can assume they are all year 2015 and ages 20/21 (soon 21/21) alright sweet thanks!!

Luke stayed at Calum's that night. So did Ashton, but Luke _tried_ to ignore this fact. He _tried_ to ignore the fact that the love of his life since he was 14 was sleeping the room beside him and was broken into pieces. He _totally ignored the fact_.

Except not. Luke didn't get a wink of sleep the night at Calum's. He was just about to get his sleep when he heard footsteps in the living room he was currently pretending to be asleep in. He drifted one eye open to see Ashton, walking across the living room and exiting quietly out of the front door.

Luke chewed on his lip and sat up on the couch, deciding whether or not he should follow Ashton. It didn't take him long to pick the former, and he was quickly pulling on his jeans that were strayed across the couch behind him and heading outside.

It didn't surprise him when he found Ashton sitting on the steps of Calum's apartment, a cigarette in hand.

Luke wrinkled up his nose, still hating the smell of cigarette smoke after the years of being around Ashton, who had been an avid smoker since before he could even buy the smokes himself. 

"Couldn't sleep?" Luke spoke softly, sitting down on to the step above Ashton, beside him. He kept his distance because he didn't really know how much distance is enough after what they had been through.

"Never can," Ashton laughed dryly. It wasn't the  _Ashton_ laughthat Luke fell in love with and heard in his dreams. No, this was some other guy's laugh who Luke didn't recognize. A _stranger_ on the train. This laugh was _not_ Ashton Irwin's. "What about you?"

Ashton still hadn't turned around to face Luke, and used to, Ashton would have put out his cigarette when he was this close to Luke because he knew how much the younger boy hated it, but Ashton just kept pulling it in between his lips and blowing out the puffs of air, repeatedly.

"Uh, yeah. Mind full of thoughts, I guess? Can't sleep with a racing mind. I wish I could just write all my thoughts as well as we used to do," Luke blurted out without thinking and kind of wishes he hadn't brought up the past between the two at the way Ashton tenses up and put out his cigarette on the wall of the stairwell and flicks it down in the floor.

"Yeah?" Ashton mumbled, pushing himself up from the stairs. "Don't you have a book to write or something? Why're you talking to me?"

Luke is offended by this. He honestly has to bask it in a little at the way Ashton spoke to him like he was a nuisance; it wasn't helping that Ashton was standing now and Luke was sitting on the stairs below him like a small child.

"I uh, I just...thought we were friends?" Luke mumbled, nodding slowly to himself.

He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up with Ashton, really. It was a mistake from the beginning, and Luke recognized it. He recognized it all. He should have never gotten involved with the boy again.

Ashton shook his head, mumbling something Luke didn't get, and Luke knew he had to get out of here. He couldn't sit here and be rejected by the guy he was still in love with. He couldn't take it. He needed out.

"Nice," Luke coughed out, amazed at himself for attempted to fix things. _Attempting_ to be ~~**boy**~~ friends.

He should have known better.

Luke took off down the stairs. He could come back to get his stuff from Calum's later. He didn't any of that right now, he just needed out. Away from this place. He patted his jeans pocket to assure he had his wallet and thanked the Gods somewhere for it. He didn't have his phone, but he figured that was for the better. At least he would have a real reason to ignore Calum's calls now.

He found the bus station quickly and paid for soonest departure, which happened to be Armidale, 8 hours away. Which was really perfect for Luke. He bought a pen and two notebooks at the station from a street shop.

He found his seat on the right side of the train, and sat beside a couple who had loaded from Hornsby, as they were talking about the horrible train service in Hornsby the whole 30 minutes they sat waiting for passengers to board. Once the train started up, though, they reamined fairly quietly. Luke allowed himself to focus after this and took his pen to paper, working on what he definitely could say he did best (aside from fucking everything up).

The train eventually made it's stop in Armidale, and Luke found himself a tourist guide. He called a car rental service listed and trekked it down eventually. 

Luke had done this multiple times before. He found things to get to be too much, and he decided he needed a break from his life. Travel was definitely the way to get a break. He did this first when Ashton started to get bad; they got in a fight one night over Ashton staying out too late at Michael's to get high, and Luke left. He told Ashton he was never coming back. But he made the mistake of taking his phone and ended up feeling guilty half way through the train ride. He got off right when they stopped and turned right back around to Sydney. He had done this countless times after (he never took his phone again), and eventually, Ashton and Calum caught on to Luke and where he would disappear to for days, sometimes weeks.

It was Luke's way of dealing with issues that got to be too much: running away.

After getting the rental car through the nasty paperwork, he set up the GPS for a waterfall path he found in the sight-seeing tourists book. He decided to take the path that led from Armidale to Dorrigo, and he parked the car somewhere toward the entrance to the waterfall hike.

The tall, lanky boy was in no shape to take a hike, he quickly found out. Nor was he dressed to take a hike. He ended up sitting down on a bench not even a mile into the journey and stared at  a waterfall for what felt like hours.

Once he felt he had regained his breath enough, he made his way further down the path, entering something they called the "Dorrigo Rainforest Centre".

It was breathtaking, to say the least. The lush green surrounded him everywhere, and he felt as if he were being engulfed by the forest. He wouldn't mind that, really, being engulfed by a forest and never being returned. He would probably make good friends with the monkeys.

Monkeys didn't seem like that bad, really. They would probably do better than Calum ever did at the whole best-friend thing. Maybe that was just an exaggeration, or maybe that's just because he's mad at this particular moment toward Calum. But Luke figured, hey, monkeys wouldn't be shit friends and cause your ex boyfriend to hate your guts. _Definitely_ not.

So Luke really wouldn't mind being engulfed by a rainforest.

But reality had to happen sometime, and Luke had to realize that he needed to face his issues. He needed to go back to Sydney and face all the problems in his fucked up, shitty life. And he needed to realize that monkeys don't live in the Dorrigo, anyway.


End file.
